There is more to sex than just thrusting the penis inside the vagina and waiting for the man to finish. For the longest time, women have always been the subject of sexualization and inferiority. This goes back to the time when women had little to no rights and only existed to serve men. This mindset manifests in many aspects, including roles in the bedroom. Now that we’re in the present where women are slowly being empowered, there is still a long way to go especially when it comes to sex.
According to various studies and interviews, about 10-15% percent of women have never experienced an orgasm. On the other hand, the remaining percent have a hard time having one. This is due to a number of factors which we will discuss as we go on.
What is an orgasm?
Before anything else, let us first discuss what orgasm is. Simply explained, an orgasm refers to the momentary peak of pleasure a person has which manifests through physical ways. In men, an orgasm happens when he ejaculates or releases semen. When it comes to women, it shows in various ways. However, one similar phenomenon that is observed is the contraction of the vaginal walls as they reach their peak of pleasure.
Factor Affecting Women’s Orgasm
There are more than one reasons why women find it hard to orgasm. These are classified into the following:
Physical Factors
Physical factors or biological factors pertain to things such as the structure of the clitoris, fatigue, infections or diseases, and many more. In addition to that, it can also describe the physical condition of your partner such as having medication, recovering from a disease or illness, and the like.
Psychological Factors
These are the factors that describe feelings and thoughts such as shame, introversion, lack of knowledge about sex, and lack of concentration. A large percentage of women still have a hard time adjusting to the fact that orgasm is normal, and that it is nothing to be ashamed of. Additionally, these factors also cover women’s fear of pregnancy, as well as worrying or feeling anxious about failing to reach orgasm.
Relational factors
Relational factors are one of the most overlooked reasons behind women having a hard time reaching orgasm. They pertain to the state of the relationship such as having hard feelings for their partner, being hurried or pressured, and being distracted midway to orgasm moment.
Other Factors
Other factors that affect how a woman feels pleasure include lack of privacy, lack of adequate rest, having a traumatic experience, vaginal dryness, and reluctance to explore and deepen their sexual relationship with their partner.
Now that you know how many women have a hard time being pleasured and reaching their “Big O”, here are a few tips that can remedy that.
8 Ways to Sexually Please a Woman
1. Ask your partner what turns them on.
Whether it’s a fantasy they want to fulfill or a fetish that absolutely makes them crazy, this is one of the most important steps to guarantee that you’ll please your partner. If men have preferences and fetishes, women have those too. Apart from getting to know each other better, asking your partner what turns them on can also help in having better and longer sex. Even in bed, communication can make a big difference.
2. Women love foreplay.
If you want to make a great start with your partner, the best way is to stimulate her senses and leave her wanting more. In a nutshell, foreplay refers to physical intimacy that excludes penetration. Try to think of it as a “teaser” of your sexual intercourse. Researches show that a significant amount of women feel more pleasure with longer and more sensual foreplay. Foreplay can refer to a number of things such as:
- Cuddling
- Kissing
- Stroking or Touching of Genitals
- Stroking or Touching of Erogenous Areas such as the neck, ears, inner thighs, and anywhere else they feel sensitive
- Using sex toys to tease and please each other
- Performing a strip tease (Yes, men can and should do this often too!)
If you’re a bit lost as to how to properly do foreplay, here are a few nuggets of wisdom that can help you secure that orgasm and high-pitched moan. Because foreplay is the key to a vagina’s lubrication, make sure you do everything perfectly.
- Kiss as if you are two teenagers making out. Depending on whether you prefer sloppy kisses, tongue kisses can make you and your partner dizzy with pleasure. Level up your kissing game!
- Gently stroke and play with her sensitive areas such as the nipples, inner thighs, and vagina. You can spice things up by planting soft kisses every now and then.
- Dry humping will never grow old. Aside from the chance to feel each other with restraint, it does a great job of building up excitement and pleasure.
3. Consider Including Roleplay from Time to Time
While this can be something unusual for others, it does the trick in adding spice to the bedroom. And yes, this is similar to what you can see in porn. Roleplay can mean various situations or costumes, all you have to do is talk to each other and decide what roleplay you would like to try. You can also consider doing it as a surprise! One great tip in figuring out how to incorporate roleplay during sex is to match it with the season or normal interactions. Does your partner like having pizza delivered? Then put on a delivery guy costume. Do you want to have a merry Christmas? Dress up as naughty Santa. When it comes to roleplay, your imagination is the key.
4. Your Sex Position Matters.
There are many sex positions that you can try out, but there are certain positions that tingle the senses of women more. For example, the missionary position helps a man orgasm because he has full control of the rhythm and movements. On the other hand, women feel a good amount of pleasure from time to time. Here are a few common sex positions and how you can use them to your advantage.
Girl on Top/Cowgirl Position
Aside from having the privilege of just laying down and having your partner do the work for you, it also offers an amazing view of their breasts moving with every movement. As for women, it gives them full control of the movements and the rhythm according to what pleases them the most. Since their weight rests solely on you, it allows a deeper penetration of your penis.
The Spooning or Spoon Position
Similar to cuddling and spooning, the only difference is that there is penetration involved. The spoon position allows you to have momentum with every thrust, as you can hold your partner’s waist while moving. On the other hand, this works well in pleasuring women because they can be in control too. All they have to do is hold your neck or hands and start grinding on you.
Dogstyle Position
While this is a position that seems to put men in control, it also brings a woman pleasure beyond compare. Aside from deeper thrusts, angling the penis with every move can rub the clitoris and stimulate a woman toward orgasm.
There are many more positions that you can try, but these are the few common ones you can use to your advantage!
5. Focus on Other Parts of the Body
Once sex is happening, there is a tendency that you only focus on the vagina or breasts, which can leave a woman unsatisfied. There are plenty of sensitive areas in a woman’s body that can add pleasure to what she’s feeling. Make sure to caress them from time to time, as well as explore other parts you both might be unaware of yet. The usual parts which are overlooked are; the nape, lower back, jawline, and stomach.
6. Try to Be Verbal About How Much You’re Enjoying
There’s nothing better than hearing good feedback during sex, and this is something that can ramp up the desire and pleasure of a woman. Hearing how good you feel is an extra way to assure them that you’re having a great time. May it be through dirty talk, directly complimenting her, or unrestrained moaning, it would surely play a great role in bringing her pleasure as well. Some examples of being verbal are:
- Complimenting her body
- Describing how you’re feeling
- It may also include checking up on your partner from time to time, as it is an indirect way to let them know that you care.
7. Consider Incorporating Sex Toys in the Bedroom
Sex toys aren’t for everyone, but it won’t hurt to try as long as you are both open to using them. Journals and studies show that some women already use sex toys to pleasure themselves. The usual sex toys that they use are; dildos, vibrators, butt plugs, and anal beads. Although the stigma usually points toward queers and lesbians, heterosexual women have also shared that they also use sex toys when having sex with their husbands or partner.
Several benefits come with incorporating sex toys during intercourse. Aside from the extra pleasure, it brings women, it also helps build trust and intimacy in the relationship. In relation to foreplay, you can also consider using toys to stimulate pleasure and sexual tension. While there are different kinds of sex toys in the market, pinpointing what works best for you and your partner is the first step to choosing the right one. These are the considerations you might want to make.
- What area would you and your partner want to stimulate?
- Are you both comfortable with the idea of incorporating sex toys during foreplay and sex?
- What is your preference when it comes to the material of your sex toy? Some are made out of silicone, jelly rubber, synthetic skin, nylon, etc.
Once you have figured out the answers to these considerations, you can now move on to the next step which is using it. Here are a few tips to make the most out of your sex toy.
- When using it in foreplay, try not to incorporate it immediately. Start with the usual routine, and check on your partner if she’s ready to mix it into your routine.
- Establish a safe word. As mentioned earlier, sex toys are not for everyone, but giving them a try isn’t a bad thing. If you or your partner feel uncomfortable mid-way through using it, all you have to do is say the safe word.
- Never forget to use lube. Since sex toys are made out of dry material, they can cause pain or discomfort when inserted or used. Using lube makes it easier to use your sex toy.
8. Always do Aftercare
Aftercare matters a lot to women. It makes them feel loved and appreciated, and prevents negative feelings such as failing to please you or not being enough. Regardless if you have an established intimate connection with her or not, the little things matter. A word of advice, don’t hit and run, or start scrolling on your phone after the deed. Make sure to make your partner feel appreciated first. Aftercare refers to a variety of actions such as:
- Getting a glass of water after sex
- Cuddling
- Kissing
- Talking about what happened and how you both felt
- Checking up on how she’s feeling
- Preparing food for her
- Sleeping or napping together
All in all, sex is a powerful way to build intimate relationships or simply have a great time—as long as you know how to make the most out of it. If it takes two to tango, then it should also take two to reach orgasm. As a summary of all the nuggets of wisdom indicated in the article, communication makes a great difference in knowing how to please each other. Hand in hand with communication is having an open mind and sensitivity about what’s happening because sex isn’t supposed to satisfy just one, but two persons. Pleasing women can sound challenging, but all you have to do is push the right buttons. Don’t forget to have safe sex!
by Anna Luna
Mike M. Luster 