In the Philippines, many painful stories are kept quiet—hidden behind smiles, buried under family secrets, or dismissed as “nakaraan na, kalimutan mo na.” But one of the deepest wounds that never really go away is childhood sexual abuse.
For Filipino children who were raped or sexually abused when they were young, the trauma doesn’t end when the abuse stops. It follows them—into their teenage years, into adulthood, and into their relationships. Marami sa kanila ang lumalaki na hindi nila alam kung normal ba ang nararamdaman nila pagdating sa sex, love, o intimacy.
Whether you’re reading this from a quiet apartment or a boarding house, this is a conversation that matters. Because silence doesn’t heal. And healing starts when we finally talk about it.
Sex and Shame: Growing Up Confused
One of the first things childhood survivors struggle with as adults is understanding sex. Para sa karamihan sa kanila, sex was never introduced in a healthy or loving way. It was something that happened without consent, often in silence, sometimes with threats, and worse—by someone they knew.
So pagdating nila sa adulthood, iba ang wiring nila pagdating sa intimacy.
Some survivors become hypersexual—meaning they seek sex constantly. Not because they enjoy it, but because they’re looking for control, validation, or emotional escape. Others go the opposite direction—they avoid sex completely. The idea of being touched, even by someone they love, can cause panic, fear, or even disgust.
A survivor shared in a support group that for years, “Dili na ko ganahan hikapon. Murag kalit ko malain bisan boyfriend ko ang mo-try. Mura kog mobalik katong sa-una.”
Trust Issues and Relationships
Imagine growing up with a secret that no one believed—or worse, that someone told you to forget. That creates deep trust issues.
When survivors enter romantic relationships, they often feel conflicted. They want love and connection, but part of them doesn’t feel safe. Some think they’re “dirty” or “damaged.” Others feel guilty for not telling anyone or feel shame for not fighting back.
In Manila, many adult survivors try to keep up a normal love life, but behind closed doors, they deal with breakdowns, sudden mood swings, or emotional shutdowns—especially during sex. Hindi nila maintindihan kung bakit. Pero the body remembers, even when the mind tries to forget.
The Pressure to Be “Normal”
In Filipino culture, we don’t really talk openly about sex, especially in families. We don’t ask “How do you feel about intimacy?” or “Have you ever been hurt?” Instead, we expect people to just grow up, get married, and have children.
So survivors are forced to act like everything is normal, even when they feel broken inside.
Some end up in toxic relationships. Others struggle with fertility issues, sexual dysfunction, or anxiety whenever sex is involved. A few even engage in risky sexual behavior, not because they want to, but because they feel like that’s all they’re good for.
“Bata pa lang ako, kinuha na ang karapatan kong pumili. Ngayon na matanda na ako, parang hindi ko pa rin alam kung ano ang gusto ko,” shared a survivor in an interview.
Mental Health and the Long Road to Healing
Many survivors develop mental health conditions later in life. These include depression, PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), anxiety, and even self-harming tendencies. In big cities, access to mental health care is improving, but still limited—lalo na para sa mga walang budget.
Sadly, many still carry the burden alone. Walang mapagsabihan, walang therapist, walang safe space. Because of the stigma, takot silang husgahan or pagbintangan pa. Kaya tahimik na lang ulit.
But healing is possible.
It starts with acknowledgment. That what happened wasn’t their fault. That they are not broken, and that their feelings are valid.
Support groups, therapy, and trauma-informed counseling can slowly rebuild the broken parts. Some survivors find peace through writing, art, yoga, or prayer. Others start small—by saying “no” when something feels wrong. Or by finally talking to someone they trust.
Why We Need to Talk About It
This is not just a personal issue—it’s a societal issue.
Many survivors were abused by someone close—uncle, stepfather, cousin, teacher, or even neighbors. And yet, families stay silent. “Hindi ka dapat mag-ingay, ikakahiya ng pamilya.” But this silence protects no one. It only protects the abuser.
That’s why awareness matters. Not just for victims, but for parents, partners, and friends. We need to create a culture of listening, believing, and supporting.
Childhood sexual abuse leaves deep scars—especially in the part of us that longs for love, touch, and connection. For many Filipinos, especially those in tight-knit but silent communities, this trauma turns into a lifetime of confusion and pain.
But there is hope. Healing isn’t linear, and it’s not easy—but it’s possible.
Kung ikaw mismo ay survivor, or may kakilala ka, know this: You are not alone. Your story matters. And you are worthy of love that doesn’t hurt.
Mike m. luster 