When you hear the word rape, most people picture something violent, done by a stranger, in some dark alley. But what if it happens inside your own bedroom, with someone you’re married to? That’s what makes marital rape so hard to talk about—lalo na dito sa Pilipinas, kung saan sobrang bigat pa rin ng traditional values when it comes to sex and marriage.
Believe it or not, marital rape wasn’t even recognized as a crime in the Philippines until 1997. Before that, kung kasal kayo, wala kang legal na karapatan to say no—because it was assumed that sex is part of the “duty” of being a spouse.
Hanggang ngayon, ang daming tao—lalo na sa Manila at Cebu—ang naniniwala pa rin sa linyang, “Eh asawa mo naman ’yan, obligasyon mong pagbigyan.”
The Law Changed, But the Mindset Didn’t
In 1997, Republic Act 8353, or the Anti-Rape Law of 1997, was passed. It expanded the definition of rape to include forced sex even within marriage. So technically, marital rape is now a crime in the Philippines.
Pero kahit may batas na, marami pa ring hindi naniniwala. For some, lalo na sa older generation, “rape” and “marriage” don’t belong in the same sentence. Maraming lalaki ang feeling entitled sa katawan ng asawa nila. At maraming babae ang hindi alam na may karapatan silang tumanggi—kahit pa kasal sila.
In some areas, you’ll still hear things like, “Babae man ka, dapat musabot ka. Kasal na bitaw mo.”
In others, you’ll hear, “Pag hindi ka pumayag, baka maghanap ng iba ang asawa mo.”
These beliefs are deeply rooted in toxic expectations about gender, sex, and obedience.
Consent Is Not Just for Strangers
Here’s the truth that many people still struggle to accept: Consent is required every single time—kahit pa boyfriend-girlfriend kayo, live-in partners, or mag-asawa.
Just because may wedding ring na kayo, doesn’t mean automatic ang consent forever. People get tired, sick, traumatized, or simply not in the mood. Saying “no” isn’t disrespectful—it’s honest, human, and deserves respect.
Marital rape happens when one partner forces the other to have sex without their full, willing, and conscious agreement. It’s not just about violence. Minsan, tahimik lang ito, ginagawa sa ilalim ng sapilitang responsibilidad, or under threat of emotional manipulation.
The Hidden Victims
Ang daming babae na hindi alam na biktima na pala sila ng marital rape. They think it’s just part of marriage. Some are scared to speak out. Some don’t want to shame the family. Some are afraid they won’t be believed.
In religious or conservative households, lalo na sa probinsya, women are taught to submit no matter what. And sadly, that’s where the abuse hides.
Others who try to seek help are told:
“Mag-asawa kayo, ayusin niyo na lang.”
“Masisira ang pamilya niyo pag pinahiya mo siya.”
“Tiis na lang, para sa mga anak.”
That’s why marital rape continues to exist—silently, secretly, and dangerously.
Why This Conversation Matters Now
With more people talking about women’s rights, gender equality, and consent culture, it’s time we stop pretending this doesn’t happen. The more we normalize silence, the more victims are trapped.
In a modern world where people fight for mental health, self-respect, and safe spaces, how come we still struggle with the idea that “no means no”—kahit sa loob ng kasal?
This isn’t about destroying marriage. It’s about protecting people within it.
How the Law Works (But Rarely Helps)
Under the Anti-Rape Law, marital rape can be reported and prosecuted. But here’s the problem:
- It’s rarely reported—because victims fear judgment or don’t even know it’s a crime.
- Police and barangay officials are not always trained to handle these cases with sensitivity.
- The justice system is slow, expensive, and intimidating—lalo na kung homemaker lang ang babae at walang support.
Kaya karamihan sa mga kaso, hindi umaabot sa korte.
What Needs to Change
For real change to happen, we need to:
- Talk openly about sex and consent, starting from schools and homes.
- Train barangay officials, health workers, and police to spot signs of abuse and help victims without judgment.
- Encourage counseling and support systems for both victims and couples who want to heal.
- Remind everyone: Consent is a conversation, not a one-time deal.
And for couples, the key is simple—respect each other. If your partner says “not tonight,” listen. Love isn’t measured by how many times you “get it,” but how often you choose kindness over control.
This issue affects real people. Maybe your neighbor, your sister, your friend, or even you. Marital rape exists. And ignoring it doesn’t make it go away.
It’s not about being against marriage. It’s about making marriage safe, respectful, and truly mutual.
Because at the end of the day, real love never forces—it asks. And it listens.
Mike m. luster 