I love you and her.

I look at your youngest sister. I see the baby we lost. That’s why I feel mystified whenever our eyes meet.

One time, I was in the car, she was staring from afar as if she sees me clearly through the tinted window. In her eyes show a longing for a father that would truly care and love her.

Before that, when you first let me hold and embrace her, she instantly recognized me as if she knows me more than I ever know her. I lovingly embraced and kissed her as I deeply felt I’m like her true father in a strange way.

You said she’s not like that to a stranger for she always repels those whom she doesn’t know and even cries until the stranger walks away. However, you’re surprised to see her cutely smiling when she first saw me. In that very moment, I felt like an instant connection with your sister as if we’ve known very well in our previous lives. Could she be my daughter in our past lives for I felt a inexplicable pure love for her?!

I love her as I love you. I love her like a father to her child somehow reestablishing a relationship that was abruptly cut off in our previous lives. I have to love her in this present life in order to completely fulfill my responsibility. But beyond any responsibility, loving and caring for her makes me profoundly happy.

I keep watching her pictures during her birthday. How I wish I was there besides her! I keep replaying the videos you sent me when she uttered funny words of gratitude of the things I gave her. I keep smiling sweetly, chuckling joyfully as I watch her performance. She’s like performing on a stage as if she’s dancing while doing the show and tell in the kindergarten classroom. Oh, she melts my heart!

I told you one time that my heart melts when she embraced and kissed me on my face with all her shy innocent smiles.

I’m sorry if loving her is my way of compensating my love to the baby we lost. You said you don’t want to be reminded with that. I’m sorry. I would never utter those words again.

What I have now is you and her. Please let me continue to express my love for her in tangible forms. Please let me continue to prove how much I love you and care for you in concrete actions for this is the best that I can do for now in order to make you truly feel I love you and I’m taking care of you.